I've had the pleasure to experience Las Vegas twice now. If you haven't been there, it really is a strange place. It's one of the few places that Hollywood cannot embellish in the movies. It's exactly as it seems: larger than life and teeming with excess.
In homage to the testament "if you build it, they will come", Vegas erected opulence, gaudiness, extravagance, and sheer waste... And the gaudy, opulent and extravagant came in droves and got wasted.
In the time I've spent wandering the main strip, I've seen no less than half a dozen Elvis' (Elvi?), play boy bunnies, pharaohs, fighters, feathered show girls, terribly aged Disney mascots, scores of homeless, handfuls of addicts, drunkards passed out and pissed themselves, Filipino families handing out escort cards, and this trip, we even saw a guy who just laid down on the sidewalk to catch up on his sit ups.
Vegas is a place that is not unlike Disney World. Whimsy, fantasy and indulgence abound. Most of what you see is artful facade and once you're back to real life you have a bit of a hangover - and not just from the lack of alcohol. Real life cannot complete with the speed and highs of Vegas nor the allure of its glitz. When in Vegas, people behave differently... They seem to find an excuse to leave their shells and adopt a personae that they'll leave behind afterward. Women wear shorter, tighter and sparklier dresses than would ever see the light of day at home. Men sport a stronger brand of machismo, and everyone drinks, smokes, eats, and gambles more than they would otherwise feel comfortable with.
Before visiting Vegas for the first time, it was not on my 'places to travel' list. I am not a gambler, I'm frugal to a fault, and I'm not much of a night person. But now that I've been here I've learned that you don't have to have any of those attributes to be a "Vegas person". Exploring the hotels, the malls, the attractions, and of course, the shows (!!) are enough to fill your dance card. Then of course there's the fabulous Bellagio fountain, the Mirage volcano, Paris' Eiffel tower, New York New York's roller coaster and Flamingo's flamingos. Even if you aren't a gambler there are a thousand things to do in Vegas and a reasonable amount of them aren't terribly pricey if you know what you're looking for.
You will be unable to escape the casinos, though. Hotels have them strategically placed between the front desk and the suite elevators, between the restaurants and the front doors, and between the bars and the bathrooms. Even the airport is littered with last minute slot machines trying to squeeze the last few dollars from your wallet. There no point in trying to avoid them and as long as you have a budget and some self-control, it is worth participating at least once. Here are the notes I've accumulated during my stays:
- Slot machines are bullshit. If you're looking to just lose your money it's faster to flush it down the toilet.
- Each casino has a custom scent. Possibly to distract from the haze of cigarettes (which are unfortunately legal to smoke everywhere btw).
- Scope out where the cocktail waitresses are before choosing your machine. Drinks are free if you're gambling and since you're likely to lose your money anyway, might as well pretend it was because you bought all those watered-down cocktails.
- If you don't know how to play a given game, don't worry about it. The casino is more than happy to educate you while taking your money from your rookie mistakes. Make sure to find a cheap table to practice on so the hardcore gambling addicts don't attack you.
- Craps has the best odds at winning and has the bonus of giving you an active role in playing. It's a lot of fun to throw the dice and have the whole table of people cheer for you. And to toss your chips in the come box.
- There are a lot of strange etiquette, superstitions, and 'strategies' employed at all games. Enjoy observing and making fun of them, but don't get swept up. They're all bullshit.
- Las Vegas is a desert. As such, bring sunscreen, lip chap, and moisturizer. There is a special unprepared traveler mark-up for these items.
- Despite being a desert, it does get quite cold at night. Your teeny tiny sparkle dress requires a sweater.
- There is a lot of lobster to eat for a city in the desert. Eat it; It's delicious.
- Time barely exists in Vegas. There are no windows or clocks in casinos, the lights are bright, oxygen is pumped in, and the slots' sirens and bells will keep you from recognizing that it's time to pack it in for the night.
- Some of the coolest things are of the main strip. Make sure to check out the Peppermill Restaurant in old Vegas, which embodies the word fabulous. There are also a lot of outdoor adventure day trips to take, nature to absorb, and crazy ass guns to shoot.
- Go ahead, be an idiot. As the cliché goes, 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'. That is not actually true if you travel with people you know (who WILL remind you of your embarrassing antics for the rest of your life), but at least you have the reasonable excuse that you were, after all, in Vegas. It's like a 'get out of jail free' card. Use the magical portal of Sin City to explore your inner asshole. Be loud, be lush, be adventurous. Then go back home and be a respectable person for the rest of the year.
Overall, Vegas is awesome in short stints while you're still willing to overlook the guise and sleaze. I'd recommend it to pretty much anyone so long as you are okay with your wallet, your senses, and your health being assulted for a few days.
