One of the paramount moments in becoming a "big girl" was getting my ears pierced before going to kindergarten. Second to that was getting my first pair of dangly earrings.
As somewhat of an ostentatious child, I liked to draw attention to myself (middle child syndrome) so in attempts to highlight the specialty of my dangly earrings, I cleverly hid one each day in the climbers. This was clever on two fronts: 1) that I got attention and 2) that I got a little more time in the climbers which was the Holy Grail of Miss Maynard's class.
The guardian of the climbers was none other than Kermit the Frog. When Kermit was climbing, no one else was. Strange really that I was able to make amends with him so many years after this most hurtful betrayal. As it were, I used to hide an earring daily on the climbers after Kermit had taken his post. After a few minutes on the rug with the class, I'd "discover" my missing earring and get permission to go find it.
This one fateful day, however, my earring was not where I had left it. My fictitious search had borne an actual panicked hunt for my beloved dangly earring. Kermit laughed at me the whole time. Try as I did, I never found that earring, but I did learn a good lesson on lying and showing off.
I suppose I have Kermit to thank for that.
Stupid frog.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
A letter to my parents...GOLD
Here is a letter to my parents when I was 17. The forward and all italics are from Sarah:
And I have something that I've been saving but thought it went well with your second last post and would share it. Dad dug this gem up over the summer. The junk in the brackets will be my mocking.
Why Julie deserves to be treated as a 17 year old
Responsible
- held down stead jobs since 15
- Maintains honours with straight A's
never had a grade lower than a B- babysat on regular basis on a Thursday night during school until 1 o'clock am and still managed to go to school on Friday (I imagine that if you didn't, you wouldn't have been allowed to keep that babysitting job)
- When given a time at night to come home at, always is home then or earlier
- Editor of yearbook
- represented all of grade 10 at Hoby Leadership workshop (You had a lot of difficulty spelling Leadership there and couldn't be bothered to white it out or re-write the letter to fix the mistake... Not going to lie: it undermined you, Julie. I lost a bit of confidence in you there.)
Mature
- most valued yearbook contributor
- Bronze award for academics and extra caricular activities (Well, Ms. Yearbook Editor, I hope you paid more attention to the spelling in the yearbook than you did with this letter. Also, the inconsistency of capitalization at the beginning of these bullet points...)
- makes own money and pays for everything except medical needs etc. (Which, lucky for them, the government picks up; so you were a freebie for our parents!)
- doesn't smoke, (Commas do not ever end bullet points. I'd like to inspect the yearbook you edited next time I'm over, please.)
- doesn't drink (... doesn't tell the truth...)
- doesn't do drugs
- hasn't had allowance since 15
- handles work, school and soccer at once
expectations (Seriously? Underlined title without a capital?)I want to be able to spend time with my friends. All of my friends work and therefore the only time we are able to get together is at night. The majority of my friends don't have curfew's (Not the correct pluralization.) and those who do are at midnight. During the school year their curfew's are at 10pm. 4 of my friends have their G2's & I plan on getting mine by the end of the summer so transportation is no longer an issue (Oh, boom! I beat you at something; I got mine when I was sixteen!). All I ask for is permission to go out (And, apparently, to take the car after the end of the summer). I argue because your decisions aren't justified as there are no reasonable reasons for them (HATE that sentence.). When I have no obligations for the next day & I am not asking to be out all night, there's no good reason why I should have to stay in. I am basically the ideal daughter (LOVE that.), grades, job, sports, nice, I even have a boyfriend in case you worry I'm out picking up strangers or something (I'm very fond of the last two reasons). With teenagers, you have to give and take (Says the expert who has raised so many teenagers of her own). I give all I am able to give, there is nothing I can give or improve myself on (Your humility, I think, could stand some work.). When you have bad kids, you give them more slack & privliges (Close.), so why benefit the bad & punish the good? I want a midnight curfew, one o'clock on special occasions. I give no more screening in return (Your generosity, also, could probably be improved upon.).
It's a good effort, but I'd give your very first mark below a B for this. Do you remember if they went for it?Hope you like this at least half as much as I did!
Love,Sarah
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Sh*t my dad says
To borrow from the ever amusing twitter account, my dad says some gems as well. This message will likely be updated frequently.
- On temp dying my hair purple in university: "You look like a pig to market". Translation: in Holland at the livestock markets, they painted coloured stripes down the animals' backs to indicate their price.
- On moving in with Dave: "You don't want to be a used car, do you?" And: "What's your next boyfriend going to think when he finds out you lived with Dave?" (thoughts, Drew?)
- On the police breaking up the party next door: "Oh snap!"
- On observing my nose piercing and Sarah's tattoo: "You girls don't like the way I made you."
- On breaking down our heritage: "My good Dutch kids have been contaminated by the English."
- When I first bought some thongs, my mom was folding the laundry in their room. My dad noticed the underwear and hand delivered them to my room one by one, critiquing them in dismay. Mostly he was terribly unimpressed but enjoyed embarrassing me. My favourite comment was "this isn't big enough to catch a fart!"
- On Sarah deciding to go skydiving: "Wait. Did you pay the Rogers bill yet?"
- On temp dying my hair purple in university: "You look like a pig to market". Translation: in Holland at the livestock markets, they painted coloured stripes down the animals' backs to indicate their price.
- On moving in with Dave: "You don't want to be a used car, do you?" And: "What's your next boyfriend going to think when he finds out you lived with Dave?" (thoughts, Drew?)
- On the police breaking up the party next door: "Oh snap!"
- On observing my nose piercing and Sarah's tattoo: "You girls don't like the way I made you."
- On breaking down our heritage: "My good Dutch kids have been contaminated by the English."
- When I first bought some thongs, my mom was folding the laundry in their room. My dad noticed the underwear and hand delivered them to my room one by one, critiquing them in dismay. Mostly he was terribly unimpressed but enjoyed embarrassing me. My favourite comment was "this isn't big enough to catch a fart!"
- On Sarah deciding to go skydiving: "Wait. Did you pay the Rogers bill yet?"
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
My House Rules
We had a bunch of house rules. Some were followed and others not so much. We were spanked as kids sometimes, but the biggest threat of all was the unhappy-face paddle. Reincarnated from a paddle ball, my mom drew a sad face on it with a thick black sharpie, complete with tears. I don't know if my mom knew those were symbolic gangsta murder tears but they certainly got the message across either way. When we were bad, the threat of "don't make me get out the unhappy-face paddle" was all we needed to hear to straighten up. I don't think it was ever actually used though. I wish we still had it; I would hang it on my wall.
We also had the classic "wait until your father gets home" and "1...2...". 3 never actually materialized. Whether from us smartening up or if my mom didn't want to have to follow through with the mystery that happened after 3, I don't know.
We would always try to run when we knew a spank was coming. My dad was good at catching us by the arm as we tried to run by, and we were pretty good at crying before he ever touched us. Fear and threats seem to be the most effective parenting techniques.
Rules:
- Dinner at 5:30 sharp
- No individually packaged snacks. Strictly for school lunches only
- Ask before eating anything that wasn't healthy
- Must split 2 pops between the three of us
- Don't eat the chocolate chips or the baking chocolate
- no colouring on the fire place
- no smushing cheese slices under the coffee table
- Don't walk up the wrong side of the banister
- don't jump on the furniture
That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure there were many more.
My household was also very egalitarian. Treats were split equally between us...right down to the mm of pop or meniscus curve of chips.
The only fluctuation for this rules worked in my favour. Neither Trevor or Sarah were "activities" people, so I got to go to all the Brownie and Girl Guide camps, do all the swimming/skating/dance classes I wanted to. I never really felt that "forgotten middle child" thing. I was pretty demanding as I recall.
When Trevor was 8, his allowance was x and his bedtime was y. I could also expect x and y when I turned 8. That was a rhythmic progression until we were teenagers. All of a sudden those rules didn't apply any more because I was a girl. My curfew stayed early despite me pointing out that I was better able to handle myself better than Trevor should I get into an altercation. I also tried to spin the angle that Trevor didn't often use his curfew and that I should be able to use his overage. No dice. Eventually I wised up and started telling them when I'd be home instead of vice versa. Cell phones had entered the picture by then as well, which might have helped my cause.
We also had the classic "wait until your father gets home" and "1...2...". 3 never actually materialized. Whether from us smartening up or if my mom didn't want to have to follow through with the mystery that happened after 3, I don't know.
We would always try to run when we knew a spank was coming. My dad was good at catching us by the arm as we tried to run by, and we were pretty good at crying before he ever touched us. Fear and threats seem to be the most effective parenting techniques.
Rules:
- Dinner at 5:30 sharp
- No individually packaged snacks. Strictly for school lunches only
- Ask before eating anything that wasn't healthy
- Must split 2 pops between the three of us
- Don't eat the chocolate chips or the baking chocolate
- no colouring on the fire place
- no smushing cheese slices under the coffee table
- Don't walk up the wrong side of the banister
- don't jump on the furniture
That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure there were many more.
My household was also very egalitarian. Treats were split equally between us...right down to the mm of pop or meniscus curve of chips.
The only fluctuation for this rules worked in my favour. Neither Trevor or Sarah were "activities" people, so I got to go to all the Brownie and Girl Guide camps, do all the swimming/skating/dance classes I wanted to. I never really felt that "forgotten middle child" thing. I was pretty demanding as I recall.
When Trevor was 8, his allowance was x and his bedtime was y. I could also expect x and y when I turned 8. That was a rhythmic progression until we were teenagers. All of a sudden those rules didn't apply any more because I was a girl. My curfew stayed early despite me pointing out that I was better able to handle myself better than Trevor should I get into an altercation. I also tried to spin the angle that Trevor didn't often use his curfew and that I should be able to use his overage. No dice. Eventually I wised up and started telling them when I'd be home instead of vice versa. Cell phones had entered the picture by then as well, which might have helped my cause.
Neighbourhood kids
Growing up in Brampton was really fun. We had a lot of kids in our street and here are some random recollections of them:
Lindsay and Gregory lived two doors down. Gregory was my age but I was later told that I preferred talking to his mom over him. I used to go ring their door bell and when she answered, I'd say "guess what!" and launch into an epic tale of what I must have considered of monumental importance. Being that I was about 5 at the time, I'm sure it revolved around my cabbage patches or the bugs that I found.
When the they's moved out, Jennifer and Billy moved in. Jennifer was too old to be my friend but she was nice. Billy was a bit tough and intimidating to me. Once when we were all out front, I found a worm the size of a gardner snake and thought he'd be impressed if I showed it to him. Unfortunately for both me and that worm, he reacted by throwing it on the road. I wanted to go get it and put it back under the rock where I found it, but I was too embarrassed by his reaction, so I didn't. Eventually a car came and ran it over. I still feel terrible about that.
Once I saw Jennifer kissing her boyfriend while sitting on the ping pong table. Might seem a silly thing to remember but he was Chinese and it was the first time the concept of interracial dating occurred to me. I think his name was Ozzy and he drove a motorcycle.
I was never particularly close with our neighbour's who lived three doors down. Cristina was a couple years older and Stephanie a couple years younger. I do recall Cristina throwing my cabbage patch doll Angela into the garage. She got a white scratch on her face and I never forgave her for that needless act of violence. I'm sure Angela didn't deserve it.
An embarrassing memory I have of Stephanie is once while we were playing in her room I was so distracted by the clutter that I started cleaning her room for her. When my mom came to collect me for dinner, their mother commented that Steph's room has never been so clean. I said "all you have to do now is vacuum it and you're good to go". Did I EVER get an earful on the walk home on manners!! Mom was sooo embarrassed.
Michael was Sarah's friend since they were the same age. When they were a bit older he would come over to dinner, I think mostly as entertainment. Probably one of the funniest kids I know. He's recently filmed an indie zombie movie with some friends. I can't wait to see it.
Shanna and Cassie lived directly next door. Shanna was a year or two younger than me and Cassie was Sarah's age. Shanna and I used to play swimming lessons on our front lawns, which involved one if us jumping off the porch and running around in crazy circles with the other one following as if we were on a water slide. The game lasted until the eventual fall down, which meant we splashed in the pool. Then we'd switch. I'm laughing out loud as I type this, it's so ridiculous.
My favourite game with them was throwing the ball over the fence. It was exciting not knowing where the ball would launch from.
Once I turned 19 I have Shanna my old ID. Two years later when she was 19 she returned the ID in a thank you card left in our mailbox.
Adam and Ashley lived a few doors down as well. Closer to Sarah's age, I never really played with them, but once Ashley was mad at Sarah and reacted by taking off all her clothes and riding her tricycle home naked. My mom ran after her and dressed her on the sidewalk.
Their uncle Tom lived with them and was a cowboy. At least that's what he told us. We believed him because he had a hat, wore the boots and had a cactus in his room. Thinking about this now, it is incredibly inappropriate that I was ever in his bedroom. My assumption now is that he wasn't entirely of sound mind.
Laurie's family lived down the street; specifically 15 houses away. I was their Kimmy Gibbler and was always over. I often went there in bare feet and thought they were really prissy when they made me put on socks before coming inside. Now I know that my feet must have been filthy and their carpets were quite light. Their house always smelt like "clean"...mine smelt like cigars and crayons.
My family never went out for dinner. McDonald's was a very special treat for us, and very rare at that. The first time I went to Pizza Hut and Swiss Chalet was with Laurie's family. I thought they were rich because they went out for dinner and Laurie and Sarah went to camp all summer. Years later Laurie told me that she thought we were rich because we had so many toys.
Once when I was over for dinner, Laurie's sister Sarah was angry at us for something (probably Nintendo related) and said at the table "you know, Dad says you don't have to have Julie over all the time". Awkward silence. It confused me because I never stayed without being invited. My dad referred to Laurie as his fourth kid so she was at my place as much as I was at hers.
This is a long post. 6 hour bus rides can do that to you (PS: I'm in Peru!)
Lindsay and Gregory lived two doors down. Gregory was my age but I was later told that I preferred talking to his mom over him. I used to go ring their door bell and when she answered, I'd say "guess what!" and launch into an epic tale of what I must have considered of monumental importance. Being that I was about 5 at the time, I'm sure it revolved around my cabbage patches or the bugs that I found.
When the they's moved out, Jennifer and Billy moved in. Jennifer was too old to be my friend but she was nice. Billy was a bit tough and intimidating to me. Once when we were all out front, I found a worm the size of a gardner snake and thought he'd be impressed if I showed it to him. Unfortunately for both me and that worm, he reacted by throwing it on the road. I wanted to go get it and put it back under the rock where I found it, but I was too embarrassed by his reaction, so I didn't. Eventually a car came and ran it over. I still feel terrible about that.
Once I saw Jennifer kissing her boyfriend while sitting on the ping pong table. Might seem a silly thing to remember but he was Chinese and it was the first time the concept of interracial dating occurred to me. I think his name was Ozzy and he drove a motorcycle.
I was never particularly close with our neighbour's who lived three doors down. Cristina was a couple years older and Stephanie a couple years younger. I do recall Cristina throwing my cabbage patch doll Angela into the garage. She got a white scratch on her face and I never forgave her for that needless act of violence. I'm sure Angela didn't deserve it.
An embarrassing memory I have of Stephanie is once while we were playing in her room I was so distracted by the clutter that I started cleaning her room for her. When my mom came to collect me for dinner, their mother commented that Steph's room has never been so clean. I said "all you have to do now is vacuum it and you're good to go". Did I EVER get an earful on the walk home on manners!! Mom was sooo embarrassed.
Michael was Sarah's friend since they were the same age. When they were a bit older he would come over to dinner, I think mostly as entertainment. Probably one of the funniest kids I know. He's recently filmed an indie zombie movie with some friends. I can't wait to see it.
Shanna and Cassie lived directly next door. Shanna was a year or two younger than me and Cassie was Sarah's age. Shanna and I used to play swimming lessons on our front lawns, which involved one if us jumping off the porch and running around in crazy circles with the other one following as if we were on a water slide. The game lasted until the eventual fall down, which meant we splashed in the pool. Then we'd switch. I'm laughing out loud as I type this, it's so ridiculous.
My favourite game with them was throwing the ball over the fence. It was exciting not knowing where the ball would launch from.
Once I turned 19 I have Shanna my old ID. Two years later when she was 19 she returned the ID in a thank you card left in our mailbox.
Adam and Ashley lived a few doors down as well. Closer to Sarah's age, I never really played with them, but once Ashley was mad at Sarah and reacted by taking off all her clothes and riding her tricycle home naked. My mom ran after her and dressed her on the sidewalk.
Their uncle Tom lived with them and was a cowboy. At least that's what he told us. We believed him because he had a hat, wore the boots and had a cactus in his room. Thinking about this now, it is incredibly inappropriate that I was ever in his bedroom. My assumption now is that he wasn't entirely of sound mind.
Laurie's family lived down the street; specifically 15 houses away. I was their Kimmy Gibbler and was always over. I often went there in bare feet and thought they were really prissy when they made me put on socks before coming inside. Now I know that my feet must have been filthy and their carpets were quite light. Their house always smelt like "clean"...mine smelt like cigars and crayons.
My family never went out for dinner. McDonald's was a very special treat for us, and very rare at that. The first time I went to Pizza Hut and Swiss Chalet was with Laurie's family. I thought they were rich because they went out for dinner and Laurie and Sarah went to camp all summer. Years later Laurie told me that she thought we were rich because we had so many toys.
Once when I was over for dinner, Laurie's sister Sarah was angry at us for something (probably Nintendo related) and said at the table "you know, Dad says you don't have to have Julie over all the time". Awkward silence. It confused me because I never stayed without being invited. My dad referred to Laurie as his fourth kid so she was at my place as much as I was at hers.
This is a long post. 6 hour bus rides can do that to you (PS: I'm in Peru!)
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